Mother Cluckers is a place right down the street from my old house. It looks very shady, and who knows what’s actually going on in there, but they did have fries, and they do deliver. So that’s all I needed to know that I wanted to try them. Thickness was about a 4.5/10, and they were not particularly crispy, at about a 3/10. Very light seasoning, and no salt made these just not plain enough to be interesting. The big thing is that they look really bad, visually. A really dark color, and a lot of edge fries, makes it look like they didn’t care that much. But really, the taste was decent. They weren’t hot and fresh, only warm, but it was okay. Texture was slightly rough, and pictured below is a double fry, the biggest serving they had, priced at $5.99.  Probably not quite a good deal for that price, but they’re definitely trying to give out a lot of fries. Not the best fries I’ve had, and there’s a lot of better places to get good food around campus, but this place delivers at damn near any time, and they’re not bad if you’re looking for slightly junk style food. They do it well. Just not in any way the kind of fries you treat someone to, if they like the nicest stuff available.

Price: $5.99, slightly small serving for price.

Cut: Straight, slightly rough

Salt/Seasoning: Mild seasoning.

This is a food truck from my work, probably like the 5th or 6th unique one of these. Always a useful thing, because working hard makes me very hungry. This one I had never heard of before, and was pleasantly surprised that they even served fries. The first thing that stands out about these fries is that they are extremely heavily seasoned, both naturally and with add-ons. These fries are perfectly average in thickness, about a 5/10. Crispiness was about a 4.5, again, perfectly moderate. Cost of a serving was $3, which puts the serving size very slightly below average, but acceptable. No salt, as if these need it with all the seasoning present. And these fries were very hot and fresh, as expected from a food truck. One possible concern is that with how hot these are, there were some exposed interiors to the fries. If your tongue finds the wrong place, that can be quite uncomfortable, and even a mild burn could happen. A few of the fries had missing edges, but that’s purely an aesthetic thing, and has nothing to do with the taste, which was good although probably a bit more overpowering than it had to be.

Salt/Seasoning: HEAVY seasoning, no salt

Price: $3, slightly below average serving size.

Cut: Straight

Dirty Frank’s definitely fits into the cool places to eat for young adults like me. Silly named drinks, decor that is equal parts strange and hilarious, it’s a pretty neat place to be. I went here to celebrate two years of living on my own, with one of the best roommates you could hope for. But I also came here because I was told that their fries were really good. So I ate fries. Review as follows! Relatively thin fries, about a 3/10 thickness. Avove average crispiness, at a 6.5/10. The exterior of these fries was extremely hot and seemed really good, but the interior of the fries didn’t seem entirely fresh, even though they were still hot. They were ever so slightly hard in the middle, in a way that either signifies not fresh, or not cooked properly. And it was unlikely to be the latter. These were hand-cut style, with full skins on the fries. A lot of edge fries present, also evidence of hand-cut fries. The price was $2 for a good serving size, and no salt/seasoning present. Overall, pretty good, though probably not good enough to be a true hipster destination for the best a city has to offer.

Salt/Seasoning: None

Price: $2

Cut: Thin/regular, and hand-cut.

So, I’ve never been to Bob Evans. It’s not like I’ve never seen them around before. They’re pretty much everywhere in Columbus. But typically I like my breakfast food from mom and pop type places, and not big breakfast chains. But, considering I’d never been here before, it was past time to do so. How was the fries, you ask? Fairly plain, but perfectly solid french fries. They’re straight cut, and on the thinner end of this, at about a 3.5/10 thickness. Moderate crispiness, about a 5/10, and pretty good in this regard. The fries were served very hot and fresh, but upon cooling (just a little bit) a slight hint of what can only be described as “country” taste was noticeable. Probably an artifact of these fries having some skins on them, but it’s a very faint earthy taste, that adds just a little bit of interesting flavor to the fries. The only downside of these fries is that the oil probably hadn’t been changed in a while, because there was some crumbs on the fries, that comes from the oil having crumbs in it from previous batches of fries. No salt and seasoning, and who knows, it might have been interesting if there was. But still, good fries, especially for a primarily breakfast chain place. 

Salt/Seasoning: None

Serving size: Average, to slightly above average.

Price: $2.19

Cut: Straight

I have never been to a TGI Friday’s before this last week. I’m typically not a huge fan of sit-in “pseudo-fancy” restaurants, the kind of places that try to act fancy, even if everybody knows they’re not. But I went here for a special occasion, and of course I had their fries. How were they? Before talking about quality, quantity is the big thing here. Frankly, the serving size was embarrassing. I was given a serving size for $1.99 of about 2/3 of a teacup of french fries. This is sad, and everybody should do better than this. With that out of the way, these fries were thin, a shoestring categorization, about 2/5/10. They were on the low end of crispiness for that style, about a 5/10 undifferentiated with regards to cut. The fries were hot and fresh, that much was good. Also were moderately seasoned, with some leafy seasoning, not a spicy seasoning like is more typical, but neither was it unpleasant in any way. The fries did have slight skins on the sides, but in all honesty, it was near impossible for me to get past the serving size. I wasn’t remotely full until I downed an entire milkshake for dessert.

Price: $1.99

Salt: Light, thick grained salt.

Seasoning: Moderate

Cut: Shoestring

A pizzeria serving fries? I’m surprised too! One day at lunch I was hungry and apparently this is a popular place to order delivery from, so I checked the menu, and hey! French fries! So I did what I normally do and got three of them. How were they? Given a slight adjustment for a half-hour delivery time, pretty good. Pretty normal characteristics, about a 5.5/10 thickness, and a 3.5/10 crispiness. As being expected, after the trip to my work, these fries weren’t totally fresh anymore, but to their credit, they didn’t become even slightly soggy either. These fries definitely had a hint of “fast food” style, with rough sides/edges. But they also had exposed skins on the sides, creating a somewhat unusual sensation. On top of that, there was for complete lack of a better explanation, a slight “country” taste to these fries. Possibly just from the frying oil being shared, but it works in this case. Pretty ordinary otherwise, no salt/seasoning and average to slightly below average serving size/price ratio, with a serving costing $2.89. I’m definitely curious to have these fries fresh from the place, rather than delivered. I’m interested in if they’re only slightly better, or borderline elite french fries. 

Price: $2.89

Salt/Seasoning: None

Cut: Straight cut.

This is undoubtedly the best name of any place that serves french fries I’ve come across (French Fry Heaven is probably better, but there’s none near me, the closest is in Cleveland..) Given a glorious name that truly provides a window to the royalty that french fries should place in a just society, how were they to eat? The answer, not so great, sadly. The fries are somewhat thicker than average, about the high end of a straight cut, about a 6.5/10. The fries are lightly salted, and have no seasoning. None of this is an issue. The issue is that the fries were either undercooked or cooked at a wrong temperature. The interior of the fries were very rubbery, not flaky or soft like a good fry should be. It’s just a slightly uncomfortable eating experience when fries are bordering on hard on the inside. That might be a bit of an exaggeration, but these were not cooked properly. It’s always a risk with thicker fries, but if you’re gonna use fries like that, you gotta do them right. Price was $4, and the serving size was average for that price. Quite a bit of fries, but not a bucketfull or anything.

Price: $4

Salt: Light

Seasoning: None

Cut: Thick Straight

In another exciting installment of “Work Food Trucks!!” we bring you Pitabilities. I’ve had them a few times before, but never got around to actually reviewing them. Now I am! Were these fries special? Actually, kinda. They were really unique among food truck fries I’ve had, in that they were both very consistent in taste, texture and cut, as well as having almost no excess grease, unlike so many food truck fries I’ve had before. These fries are true shoestring fries, only a thickness of about a 2/10, and are as crispy as you’d expect, given this. The crispiness is about a 7.5/10. Not so crispy that you’re at risk of thinking they’re overcooked, but suitably crispy. No salt and seasoning, but again, these fries don’t need it, they’re about as close as a food truck will get to being the platonic ideal of fries. Also, as to be expected, being made to order, they’re extremely hot and fresh. An average serving size, maybe even slightly better than average, costing $3. Basically, these fries are really good, and I hope they have a sit-in restaurant somewhere so I can try them out in person.

Salt/Seasoning: None

Cut: Shoestring

Price:$3.

Tee Jaye’s is a country food place. Kind of a mix between breakfast fare and a typical restaurant, with maybe a tiny bit of a steakhouse feel thrown in. I don’t know, that’s not my job to know. I had only been there once, before I even knew what good food was. So I headed back, on my normal mission to check out their fries. So, how were they? Pretty good. The fries were very warm and fresh, and had the slightly rough texture you might expect out of a place that serves country style food. They were fairly crispy fries, about a 6.5/10, and consequently they were slightly thinner than average too, around a 4/10. No salt and seasoning on these fries, but they were just fine without it. They were just distinctive enough on their own that it wasn’t necessary. The only downside was the somewhat small serving size/price ratio. The fries were $1.99, which is hardly bad, but the serving size was pretty small, even for that price (notable, the picture below is of a single serving. I have a habit of taking pictures of multiple servings, this was not the case here. The server doubled my hash brown order, instead of the fry. I ended up getting doubles of both, so it worked out!)

Price: $1.99

Salt/Seasoning: None

Cut: Straight (slightly thinner than average)

Okay, I have absolutely no idea how it took me this long to review this place. Chef-O-Nette is absolutely one of the iconic sit-down restaurant type places in Upper Arlington, and has probably been in Tremont Center for 50 years. I have never actually been there before, and this was the first time I ever set foot inside the place. So how was it? Quality wise, pretty good. Not outstanding, but worth spending a bit of time and money. The first thing that is immediately noticeable is that the mismatch in the exterior vs. interior crispiness. The exterior is very crispy and has that typical french fry crunch that is so beloved.  The interior on the other hand is super soft, not quite flaky but still softer than the normal fry. Note that my batch had a decent amount of crispiness variation, anywhere from a 4-6.5 crispiness seems about right for grading. The fries were very hot and fresh, and it makes sense. Being cooked at a high temperature for shorter periods of time is how you get a crispier outside/softer inside. The fries were lightly salted, with no seasoning. Very plain in this regard, probably could have been helped by a little extra… something. Aesthetically, the color was notable too. Very pale, a very light yellow with not a hint of golden brown. The major negative was the serving size/cost ratio. The picture below is a serving of three. A serving of one costs $2.69, and the serving of three fits on a single plate. This place definitely has the UA markup, and the fries probably aren’t quite good enough to justify it. But still, it’s not like these fries are anything worse than pretty good.

Cut: Moderate (6, Crinkle Cut)

Seasoning: None

Salt: Light

Price: $2.69